


It'll All Make Sense Tomorrow

by falling_upwards_01



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, fight me, lots of clexa feels, pre-season 3, set post-season 4, they definately had this conversation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 20:46:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18106157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falling_upwards_01/pseuds/falling_upwards_01
Summary: “I think you’d like it here,” Clarke said aloud again. “I think you’d like the quiet.” She breathed the air in deeply, “I think you’d like Madi, too.” Then Clarke laughed. “Actually on second thought, I don’t think you would, she’s too much like you.”





	It'll All Make Sense Tomorrow

The sunset.

 

It really was beautiful.

 

_Just like you._

 

The sky was a messy smear of orange and red and blue and purple. It all came together at the epicentre of the light: the receding sun, kissing the day goodbye as it sank below the surface of the visible earth.

 

Clarke sighed.

 

“I wish you could see this.” She said aloud. She continued staring off into the distance.

 

She also wished she could capture this on paper. Remember this sky.

 

In a moment of immature recollection, the messy sky reminded her of an even messier drawing she had made in the 3rd grade. The memory came back strangely clear: her and Wells creating “explosion dots” as they called them. They would draw a circle, leaving the middle open. Then they would use various colours and draw slightly larger circles, each one just outside the last, creating the illusion of a magnificent ombre of tones exploding across the page. Or at least, that was the goal.

 

Despite the unsuccessful masterpieces, both Clarke’s parents and Wells’ dad kept their art pinned up for several weeks.

 

The memory was less painful now than it would have been a year, or even a month ago.

 

Almost everything from _before_ was less painful now.

 

A few events still haunted her.

 

But she didn’t want to think about those.

 

“I think you’d like it here,” Clarke said aloud again, “I think you’d like the quiet.” She breathed the air in deeply. “I think you’d like Madi, too.” Then Clarke laughed. “Actually on second thought, I don’t think you would, she’s too much like you.”

 

She sat and pondered for a little while longer.

 

“It hurts to be without you. I hope you know that.” She spoke into the wind as it stung her eyes and made them begin to water, “I won’t forget you, either. I never will. I don’t think I physically can,” She laughed and a tear started dripping down her cheek slowly, although it could have been attributed to either the wind or the emotions.

 

_1,825 days._

 

Clarke began humming to herself as that number kept running through her mind.

 

_1,825 days._

 

“Clarke?” Clarke’s heart skipped a beat as she jumped up in surprise and turned around. Madi was standing there holding a large, leafy tree branch.

 

“Jesus Christ Madi, don’t sneak up on me like that!” Clarke said, exasperated. She clutched her chest, waiting for her heartbeat to slow and her head to stop spinning.

 

“Sorry,” Madi shrugged. “Usually you can hear me coming, even when I’m quiet.” She paused, then in a quieter voice, she sheepishly conceded: “I didn’t realize you were distracted. Sorry.” Clarke, her heart still racing, sighed and smiled, pulling the young girl into a tight embrace.

 

“It doesn’t matter; it’s not your fault.” Clarke pulled away and turned back around, returning to her spot on the log. She looked back and patted the spot beside her. “You can sit if you want.” Madi smiled happily and plopped down beside Clarke, her tree branch rustling loudly. Clarke snorted.

 

“What?” Madi grinned, waving the branch in her face. “It already fell off the tree. It was on the ground when I found it. See?” Madi ran her finger along one side of the branch, scraping off a thin layer of mud.

 

“What concerns me more is why you felt the need to pick it up.” Clarke laughed. Madi just shrugged.

 

“I dunno. I just felt like it.” She grinned impishly. Clarke smiled at her once more. They fell into silence. Clarke went back, momentarily, to observing the sky. The sun had receded a bit further past the end of the earth, leaving half of the sky overhead to be overtaken by a navy blue night.

 

“Why is it always now?”

 

Clarke looked up, startled, to find Madi staring at her intently.

 

“S-sorry?” Clarke stuttered in confusion.

 

“It’s always now. Around this time of year.” Madi shifted, so she’s facing forward once more, staring off into the distance, but not stopping, “You get distracted. Unfocused. Melancholy. Why? What are you thinking about?” Clarke didn’t answer for a while. Madi waited patiently. Then Clarke took a deep breath.

 

“1,825 days.” She said slowly. “Does that number mean anything to you?” Madi shook her head uncertainty.

 

“No...should it?”

 

“No.”

 

Madi looks at her, clearly confused now. Clarke sets her jaw, wishing she had bothered to draw the sunset, as the colours are already receding and now almost completely gone. It’s almost dark, but Clarke has a lantern with her. She clicks the appliance on, and it shudders and blinks on and off for a second before finally catching and lighting up.

 

“I’m going to tell you a story.” Clarke leans forward so she can see Madi’s face. “It’s about someone very special to me.” Madi grins excitedly.

 

“Octavia?”

 

“No,” Clarke smiles at Madi’s enthusiasm.

 

“Raven? Bellamy?” Madi continues. “...Murphy?”

 

“No, none of them.” Clarke laughs as Madi’s brow furrows in confusion once again.

 

“Who, then?” Madi waits expectantly. Clarke smiles sadly.

 

“You’ll have to listen and find out.”

 

“Okay,” Madi moved forward, plopping down in front of Clarke, “Tell me the story.”

 

“Okay,” Clarke tried to stave off her laughter. “The story starts after Finn killed the grounders while looking for me. The grounders wanted justice. They gave us an offer: to leave Camp Jaha, and the land we had set up to be our home or to stand our ground and be slaughtered in our sleep.

“Now, Jaha knew we didn’t stand a chance, so he tried to convince my mom and Kane to force everyone to leave. But my mom wouldn’t give up hope. She gave the order for us to stay. Even though she had faith, not everyone did, and even those who did knew that we couldn’t beat the grounders by force. And that’s where I come in.” Clarke pretended to gesture towards herself prestigiously. Madi laughed as Clarke continued her story.

 

“I had just recently found out that I could save the reapers and turn them back into grounders. So, I used this to perform a trade: let Skaikru stay, and we’ll help and teach the grounders on how to save their warriors who were turned.

 

“I took it up with their leader. Their...their commander.” Clarke’s voice broke slightly. She cleared her throat. “In their language, _Heda._ But, of course, you know that.” Madi nodded, smiling widely, clearly enjoying the story.

 

“Anyway, we became...friends,” Clarke found herself unable to speak for a moment. When she regained her voice, she sounded choked and emotional. Nevertheless, she pushed on. “We were a good team. She was ruthless and cunning. Intelligent and perceptive. I provided a different point of view, one that had not been trained from birth to kill. I also provided a source of modern technology and knowledge. But…” Clarke had to stop herself. She could tell that if she continued, she would begin to cry, which was really not something she was in the mood for.

 

“But?” Madi prompted, raising her eyebrows expectantly. Clarke didn’t react for a moment. Then she let out a shaky breath.

 

“We went to war together. Against the mountain men. She betrayed me.” Clarke felt the pain in remembering that particular event. She remembered the hopelessness. But it was more subdued now, a dull ache in her chest rather than a thorn in her side. She shook her head to break herself out of her stupor. “She made me do things I wish I never had to do. She forced me to bear it.” Clarke sighed heavily. “So after it was over, I ran. Disappeared. Hid in the forest.” Madi nodded. She knew this part of the story, as she had demanded many times that Clarke recount her adventures with various wild animals and hostile grounders. “Anyways, she was the one who brought me back.” Madi’s brow furrowed in confusion.

 

“I thought...you always said it was Roan who brought you back?” She said in an accusatory tone. Clarke smiled softly at the young girl’s enthusiasm.

 

“Roan was the one who took me back physically, but he was doing it on the Commander’s orders. We didn’t know each other then; he was only doing it to lift his banishment.” Clarke explained. Madi nodded understandingly, but Clarke could still see a spark of skepticism in her eyes. Nevertheless, she continued her narrative.

“At first, being back in her presence made me angry. I nearly assassinated her. I couldn’t get past what she had done to me, and my people, at the mountain. But then later, I saw what she had given up, what lengths she had gone to get me back. I saw her regret and pain. And her worry.” Clarke added. “She told me that she had never meant for any of this to happen. That she didn’t mean to force me into doing all the things I did. She took responsibility.” Clarke inhaled deeply through her nose. “I think that was when I truly began to forgive her.” She didn’t speak for a long while. Madi sat patiently, seeming to sense that this was a delicate memory.

 

Clarke starred up into the sky. It was pitch black now, the stars standing out like white paint splattered on a black canvas. She took deep breaths, focusing on breathing in the air, focusing on living. She peeled some of the bark off of the log she was sitting on, before snapping the sliver in half and tossing it over her shoulder absentmindedly.

 

Finally, she looked up and smiled sadly at Madi.

 

“Sorry.” She whispered hoarsely. Madi just smiled back, nodding reassuringly. Clarke took another deep breath and began again.

 

“We grew closer. We were falling back into a rhythm: plan, execute, negotiate, revise.” The corners of her mouth tug up slightly. “It was comfortable, in a strange way. Even with all the messed up stuff going on with Skaikru.” She could feel her breaths become more shallow. She was approaching the part of the story she was most dreading telling. “Then she─” Clarke stopped. She hated herself for the burning sensation in her eyes, and she could already tell she wouldn’t be able to get through the story without crying. She took a painfully shaky breath.

 

“There was an...accident.” Her voice caught on the last word. “Her advisor ─ his name was Titus ─ kidnapped Murphy, and when I tried to help him, Titus drew a gun on me. He thought that I had made the Commander weak. He didn’t want her to get hurt protecting me.” Clarke felt a single, burning hot tear streak down her face. She ran a hand through her hair distractedly. “He tried to shoot at me.” She managed to control her voice, and her tears.

 

“I guess she must have heard, because she came into the room, and…” Clarke inhaled sharply. “He...he hit her instead.” Clarke brushed the tears from her cheeks. Madi looked at her, her brows furrowed, her face a mask of horror.

 

“She didn’t...she didn’t... _die,_ did she?” Madi’s voice wavered. It almost made Clarke want to lie. But she didn’t. Madi deserved to know.

 

“She bled out. Three years ago today.” Madi’s face fell.

 

“That’s why…? Why it’s always now?”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke sniffed, smiling despite the ache in her heart, “that’s why.” Madi nodded, then her brows knit together once more. She looked pensive, like she was trying to work something out in her head.

 

“What ─ what was her name?” Madi asked quietly.

 

“Lexa.” Clarke breathed her name out like a sigh. Then Madi’s eyes flashed softly with a realization.

 

“You loved her.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. A fact which she seemed to be sure was true. Clarke looked at her, slightly surprised. Madi continued. “Not like you love me though. You were _in love_ with her.”

 

Clarke couldn’t help but let a choked out sob escape. She clapped her hand over her mouth, closing her eyes, but she nodded weakly. She reached forward, pulling Madi into a hug. She took slow breaths, trying with all her might to calm herself down. After a while, she pulled away, childishly rubbing at her eyes. Madi looked at her shyly.

 

“Did she...did she love you back?” Clarke let out a loud, tearful laugh.

 

“Yes,” She wiped her tears away once more, “yes, she did.”

 

~~~


End file.
